Today was a great day. We went to a huge water park for the second time with the twins. They *love* going swimming and got dressed today in lightening speed. You see, we are beginning to communicate better and they understood where we were going!
We had a lot of fun, expended a lot of energy, and got in a lot of holding and bonding time.
I've been struggling so much lately with wanting to blog, wanting to keep the memories, and yet really knowing that what we are all going through is so hard that some of the memories will be hard to look back on.
I want to be honest.....I want to be fair to the children....and I want to encourage adoption and not discourage. So, perhaps, you can see the dilemma!
So, for now, I will say that it has been hard. It has been hard to leave behind my children at home and be gone for so long. It has been hard to live in a different country and feel like a fish out of water. It has been seriously hard to deal with behaviors that challenge and test your emotional and mental skills like never before.
Having said that.....it is much harder to be four years old and have to move once again....especially after you have just found a very loving foster mother. It is hard to be four years old and have things that you want so much to talk about but not to be understood fully by your new parents. It is hard to be four years old and have so many new things and experiences happening all at once.
It is truly hard......
But, it makes it all the more beautiful when the hard times give way to the beautiful and loving times. It makes the moments of eye contact and understanding of one another create stand still times that you wish would last and last.
Tonight I had yet another one of those moments. I had just gotten I. out of the bath and I was helping him to get dressed for bed. His favorite pajama top was dirty so I put a different soft cotton shirt out with his other clothes. Do you think he noticed?
He said to me..."pajama...no?" I said, "It's okay...it is comfy...you can wear it" (I wasn't thinking that he didn't even know the word comfortable yet, much less the short slang word of "comfy")
Well, he LOVED the word! He smiled and said "compy!?!" I said, "Yeah, it's comfy! :-) It is a very comfy shirt and you can wear it to bed!"
He pointed at the pajama pants and said "compy?" and I nodded and said that his pajama pants were indeed comfy too. I pointed back to his shirt and said "comfy shirt!" and he locked eyes with me and said with a huge smile, "Compy shirt!!! Compy...."
I have no idea what he thinks "comfy" means but he loves the sound of the word and I hope he eventually finds life with us to be comfy......what better way is there to describe life with a loving family!
Stay tuned for tomorrow...I get to go to the orphanage where they spent nearly half of their lives. I'm excited and nervous all at the same time since I have never been in an orphanage before. I just know that I often felt that foster parents would understand their children more if they had been able to see what life was like in their biological family's home. Since I had worked as a social worker for CPS, I had seen what life was like for our two adopted daughters and I know that it helped me to have more compassion and understanding. So, I feel that this is an opportunity for me to get to know the twins better by seeing what daily life was like for them. Til tomorrow....